A scary Event that makes me question every little thing even more now......

[Japan 100]

About 3 days ago.... the weather was hot ...

I slowly turned pale and sweat more and more...the third day

was worse.

I woke up and my boyfriend was in the bathroom..I kept knocking , trying to tell him I had to go use the bathroom...but then suddenly I heard my heart beat so loud my vision gotten hazey....

I suddenly blacked out..and fell backwards bending back laying on top of my legs...I came back from uncouncious and then later happen again after my boyfriend tried going to work..I collapse in the bathroom and yelled for someone to help me.

Those 3 days ...I sweat and became colder and started slowly not being able to digest or keep in water or any type of food...

I thought it was a stomach virus that was going to pass but the 3rd day I was surely wrong.

I literally thought I was dying but the werid thing is when I blacked out after I tried my hardest to fight whatever it was...I just gave in and accepted death...which I thought was death was only unconciousness...

cause for a second I felt my heart just gave out when I blacked out.

After getting hydrated at the emergency room I found out I was anemic and I dont have enough blood cells and oxygen flowing in my body but they did say I was bleeding from inside which they think was an ulcer.

I was later discharged because I volunteered for it because they wanted to observe me...and I knew it was B.S because I had my test and everything done already...and they just wanted to make more money off of me....and the service was terrible and rude and I wont go into much detail in that ...all I'll say it felt like a business /factory then a hospital and we are just pushed out as we come in.

I'm now starting to feel better but I felt like I had to say something about what I went through...... Its a scary event and yes I have to watch over my health more and take closer care of myself then normal people...but the thing I'm trying to get at.....is yes in the beginning I was fighting for my life and trying to stay awake...but in the end...when I just gave out and faint.....

I didn't fight it ...I just accepted which I thought was death...It was extremely scary yes...but then its like it makes you think about your life and everything your living for ...but those blackouts were scary...

I know when I was a baby I had a near death experience...but when your older its more scary...

I guess I am just trying to accept life as it is...

even though...I didn't accomplish everything I want to accomplish

..I didn't succeed in what I wanted to succeed in but yes I still want to try better and reach new heights....but if death actually happens I will fight in the beginning but I know if I'm not going to win I just give in...but now when I think about it ...its scary and I dont want to lose my life either.

Its just a scary experience I just wanted to write down...and to share my story with everyone.

I'm getting better,my skin color is coming back and my ulcer is healing up real good...the only thing is my boyfriend is paranoid in leaving me alone or going to sleep because ...he said he tried shaking me and waking me up but my eyes were rolling back and he said he thought he was going to lose to me. Yes it would freak anyone out....but I dont know its alot to take in but I still think if it did ever happen the scary thing is ....that life goes on and eventually everyone will move on and eventually forget about you or put you on a back back way back memory of your mind....thats what I'm truly scared about is being forgotten....just like the millions people that were befor me and leaving alone I think.....I believe in the spiritual life and all but ...what make me curious is that...everytime I went unconcious for a short period of time...I'm curious but I thought something spirtual or holy was to be seen or experience....it just turns out to be all black,having a super short dream of me playing my ps3 which was funny and i went deeper in the darkness again then woke up...its werid... I really thought it was suppose to be a spirtual experience...maybe I got to worked up in the religious stuff.

I guess the sadest thing i ever got from this was telling my mother about my experience but she shrugged it off and went to another topic and just talked about everyday stuff ...didnt even get freaked out when I told her every tiny detail that happen....My father chooses not to be in my life anyway and always says " what ...what you want this time?...I'm busy."

I guess my family has always written me off and selfishly think only of themselves and the new step family they have now...with both mother and father ....

All I have is my boyfriend and well its scary.... I grew apart from my friends because I dont know over time we just grew different and I just feel more alone I guess...

I feel like I'm truly alone in this world I guess thats why when I fainted I was willing to let everything go because I didn't have anything to begin with.

I'm religious and I'm dont believe in people taking there lives....but this event makes me think alot ....and thought maybe it's okay if I talked about with everyone here since it doesn't feel too werid since it's online...and I dont have to pay someone to listen to me sadly to say.

I guess all in all...I just feel really alone and I feel the only person I have in this world is my boyfriend.

Edited August 3, 2011 by Japan

[Sledgstone 8,672]

Well damn. That sounds like it was a shitty experience. Hopefully you'll never have to go through something like that again.

[slippers 3,168]

I know when I was a baby I had a near death experience...but when your older its more scary...

How do you even remember what happened when you were a baby?

I had an open heart surgery when I was like 2 years old. They said they stopped my heart to operate so I guess I was dead for a short time.

Well anyway glad you are alive. I'd rather die than experience another stomach flu though.

[Japan 100]

actually I remember alot when I was a child...like when my sister fell out of the crib and smacked her head on the floor.... I dont know why I just remember things like that....I dont remember everything that happen to me of course and well thats what my whole family told me and events that led up to it but thats a whole another story.

I have some time to recovery I just I dont know I get worn out more easily know from basic stuff...like fast heart beat and breathing but the headaches are not there most of the time...

Its going to be some time to regain everything back...I think I'm going to a tranisitional stage right now esp with my job *not looking too hot* **cough** "(poor new management)"

but omg the stomach flu was actually worse then being anemic just because of the pain and stomach pains actually....

my blood level is still 80 but befor it was 50...so I still need some work on it and get it to 120.

But through this whole event only my boyfriend was there for me and sadly my family couldn't really give a shit about me sadly.......*excuse me for the cursing*

but all in all...i'm getting better but thank you guys for your support

[Bartender 141]

Just hold strong, in things like these it's all about your attitude. It's also scientifically proven that your stress level affects your body directly, which is quite a wide known fact. Be happy you are not alone, and that you have your boyfriend. It's very important to have someone to talk to and a loved one at that, it's quite something. Hard times like these show who really is there for you and family wise, i haven't had it too well either. Difference is I've had alot of girlfriends just none to stick around.

btw, remembering things when you were young, that's normal. flashbacks. I get the exact same thing, with certain moments imprinted into your brain. I personally think it's because of a certain emotion felt at that moment, although it may not seem likely.

Either way i hope you get/feel better and it's always good to vent out on forums !

[Pchan 5,162]

I dunno what's going on inside my body but I know I won't be happy when I find out. Live for now.