My mom passed away and...

[Myk JL 1,731]

I don't feel that bad.

TMI?

As far as I can tell I was raised by someone who was mentally incapable of being an adult. But I'm expected to be an adult.

She unintentionally destroyed what made me Christian. I was suppose to believe my parents are soulmates. But she ended up sleeping with a man named Dave who told her he couldn't get her pregnant and got her pregnant. My half sister according to her is her miracle baby. So I ultimately became an atheist about 2 decades later because my Christian belief was proven false. And the Christians that surrounded her could care less about my Christian beliefs.

If only that was the end of my problems with her. She decided to move to Walton. I can only guess I didn't adjust well to the move from Sidney to Walton because I ended up in BOCES. My dad also eventually moved to Walton. But he couldn't handle living there either. And he eventually moved to Binghamton.

My mom then decided instead of moving back to Sidney to move us to a trailer park outside of Unadilla. I eventually went from BOCES to GMU to finally Unatego. But could never get away from the guilt of feeling stupid because I was in BOCES.

During my teen years the other 2 guys my age around the trailer park got way into backyard wrestling. I eventually stuck to playing video games instead of hanging out with them. Bob was dumb enough to think he could frog splash me through a picnic table. Greg was dumb enough for him and others to beat the crap out of Timothy Cutting.

But I didn't stay out of trouble because I wanted to beat the hell out of my half sister who wouldn't stop yelling at her or her boyfriend Ray who only wanted her for her SSI Checks. She eventually dumped Ray because she was forced to choose to either be a mom or have her sleazy boyfriend. I had to eventually settle to hearing my half sister yell at her because I turned 18.

I ended up staying in High School in order to get my GED instead of an IEP (idiots education program?) in order to go to college. I wanted to go to college to learn how to make video games. Some time after getting my GED she could no longer take living in the trailer she moved us into and wanted to move back to Sidney. I didn't want to move back to Sidney because I didn't want to see the childhood I missed out on but my cousins had.

I might've joined the military despite being against the war on terrorism because I couldn't find a college I could go to in NY in order to make video games. She hated that and said 5 things.

1. She threatened to make me homeless.
2. She said because my cousin Steve couldn't join the military I couldn't either.
3. She said the whole family would be against me... And I've been in that situation before.
4. She told me she knew what I was going through when she actually didn't.
5. When none of that worked she then started bribing me to move to Oneonta.

I did finally just move to Oneonta because I didn't want to be homeless. I started to accept the idea I was mentally ill based on my past. But RSS doesn't consider me mentally ill. They were just doing whatever to make her happy. They were going to help me get a job.

But once she was no longer around they thought it was a good idea to harass me over a hole in my pants (or my long hair). I got suspended without pay and had to take my SSI checks directly. They eventually told me if they wouldn't help me get a job a 2nd time around why would they help me the 1st time around. So I gave up because it was better to have a roof over my head instead of me being fired no matter how productive I could've been.

Some time after 2011 (Which I consider my year of insanity) I decided to finally cut her out of my life. It was really easy to do after my Aunts thought I'd settle for chatting with them on Facebook. I would've settled for just my half sister being a part of my life. But from what I could tell my half sister was trying to get her back into my life. So I cut all ties with family. For all I know my dad died before she did.

I thought about contacting my half sister. But I'm too relieved about her death for the rest of the family to handle. I should probably just leave them to mourn. I'm already use to being the black sheep of the family so its probably for the best.

If there is a heaven and a hell I hope she is in heaven. I hope she sees the rest of her family one day. But I won't be there. That would be a fate worse than hell.