Cat Rules

[Tanoro 799]

Cat Rules - Rules for Your Cat to Follow!!!

BATHROOMS

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

DOORS

Do not allow any closed doors in any room. To get door open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once door is opened, it is not necessary to use it. After you have ordered

an "outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about several things. This is particularly important during very cold weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season.

CHAIRS AND RUGS

If you have to throw up, get to a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an oriental rug. If there is no Oriental rug, shag is good. When throwing up on the carpet, make sure you back up so it is as long as a humans bare foot.

HAMPERING

If one of your humans is engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as "hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"

1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and comforted.

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

4) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love to jump.

5) When human is working at computer, jump up on desk, walk across keyboard, bat at mouse pointer on screen and then lay in human's lap across arms, hampering typing in progress.

WALKING

As often as possible, dart quickly and as close as possible in front of the human, especially: on stairs, when they have something in their arms, in the dark, and when they first get up in the morning. This will help their coordination skills.

BEDTIME

Always sleep on the human at night so he/she cannot move around.

LITTER BOX

When using the litter box, be sure to kick as much litter out of the box as possible. Humans love the feel of kitty litter between their toes.

HIDING

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

ONE LAST THOUGHT

Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!

[Sabe 2,444]

These are great! X'D My cat has done all of these at least once! The bad part though, is that there is a good portion(Meaning all but about three of them) that instigate my cat getting a bath. The only reason the other three don't get he rin trouble is because she doesn't do them. My cat has better ways to get under my skin, though...I'd post 'em, but one never knows how many cats could be reading my posts over their owners shoulders right now...

[Eppy 3,446]

all of these are true

[Pchan 5,162]

Off Topic: My dog always accompanies me when I go brush my teeth in the bathroom and I have to literally push him out before my shower. What can I say, he loves to shower or water hehehe ...

[Guest dark_demon]

i hate cat they give me evil eyes...

[Mimiru 355]

lmao my has done all of those X'D

[Aroura 850]

LoL X'D We have three here and take a few to be in charge of.

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

we have 3 cats here...they do every single one of those...but with the door...i wait 5 whole seconds...then start closing it so they have to decide in or out quickly so as not to get hit by the door

[daymost 875]

So that is why my cat does that

[Sabe 2,444]

I now have a new one to add:

At times when scattering litter is not an avalible prospect, scatter food. Use the pretense of playing with it before eating it as an excuse to haul out pawfuls at a time. This is best done if you have a bowl that is light enough for you to drag about the house, for reasons seen in the section, "Hampering". Humans love to try to dodge the bowl at night, only to be greeted by large amounts of food on their feet(some of which will invaribly be tracked into their bed where they find it crushed into their new flanel sheets. They love stripping and washing bedding!).

I love her, but I'm gonna kill this cat... Not really...*Ohh, Sa-am...Bath time!*

[Ladywriter 7,783]

Whenever possible, get close to a human, especially their face, turn around, and present your butt to them. Humans love this, so do it often. And don't forget guests!

brown star! X'D

[slippers 3,168]

brown star! X'D

LOL

BATHROOMS

Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.

HAMPERING

2) For book readers, get in close under the chin, between eyes and book,unless you can lie across the book itself.

3) For paperwork, lie on the work in the most appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as possible or at least. Pretend to doze, but every so often reach out and slap the pencil or pen.

HIDING

Every now and then, hide in a place where the humans cannot find you. Do not come out for three to four hours under any circumstances.

This will cause the humans to panic (which they love) thinking that you have run away or are lost. Once you do come out, the humans will cover you with love and kisses and you will probably get a treat.

that's what i mostly remember about my cat. ;_; i had big test and tons of homework, i laid papers, books on the floor and started to working on it, my cat comes along and just lying across there. he was so cute, i didnt even care until i needed the paper he was on. i tried to poke him with pencil, push him, try to pull the paper under him..the more i try to make him leave, the more he became paperweight. X'D

[Sledgstone 8,672]

those things are all true! damn cats! X'D and the brown star is the worst!

and i don't know about other cats, but ditto loves to jump up and sit in a chair as soon as you are heading for it. or when you get out of it. you could get up to get a drink and ditto will steal your spot. X'D

[Stinkerbell 147]

My cat (Archimedes) knows he is king of the castle. . . He'll move to scratch the furniture, and if he's spotted, he'll retract the claws and act like he was "just stretching." I think he frames the Dachschund for his own entertainment. If I'm writing feverishly, he'll make sure to jump onto my notebook and lay right on it and smugly look at me like "Oh just shut up and pet me, mother." And for some strange reason, he loves to chew on metal! Rings, necklaces, foil, pens, crotchet hooks... you name it.

But he's a little darling as well. Purrs like a 350 Chev small block motor!

[Sabe 2,444]

and i don't know about other cats, but ditto loves to jump up and sit in a chair as soon as you are heading for it. or when you get out of it. you could get up to get a drink and ditto will steal your spot. X'D

That's the new one around here from Sam... If it isn't the fact that she is stealing your chair, she steals your warm spot on the bed at night if you wake up for anything. Anyone ever get the living shyte scared out of you by a yowling cat at 4:10 in the morning when you're half asleep?

Off Topic: Just out of curiosity, have I ever told everyone what Sam's full name is?

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

yes! my cat tiger goes down into the basement (so he can echo) and just yowls like he's in pain or something....he took it up over the winter so after a month i just started ignoring it....but its really creepy when he does it after i wake up in the middle of the night though