Aroura 850 Report post Posted October 4, 2005 This is the result of me being very hyper in the early morning. I think it's really quite good though. I'd really like some opinions and such. I open my eyes. Or at least I think I do. The view is the same either way. Black. No sounds can be heard from wherever it is I am at. Around me its damp, but not chilled damp that gets to you, more like summers day after a rain. I can’t tell what I’m touching. Whatever it is surrounds me. It’s soft, some kind of cushioned room maybe? But surrounding me so tightly? Maybe it’s a casket. Something did happen before. I just can’t remember what. A crack gleams thru piercing the blackness. It stings my dilated eyes. As my eyes grow accustomed to the light I looked around in the now lit space. It was some type of blue moss, a deep blue that shimmered in the brilliance. This moss fills every crevice. A shadow starts to hover over the crack. “You must be healed by now. Can you hear me?” I hesitated a moment, “Yes. What do you mean by “healed” though? I don’t understand.” What must be a door opens and I throw up my arms to block my eyes from the invasive brightness. The voice seems familiar, but how I can’t place. Weather it be family, friend or foe it doesn’t matter now. It speaks again, “How sad, we were so hoping that you would have your memories. Your kind usually is lucky enough to retain them through the process. I will explain after we get some food into you.” My kind? The process? Who ever or what ever spoke was smiling when she said it. I can always tell a true smile through the change in the voice. “You seem like a caring being. Food and answers would be wonderful me thinks.” Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Azrael 994 Report post Posted October 4, 2005 Nice. I could go all English-Nazi and point out a few things here, but really I think it's quite good. The only things that I think detract from it are the brief shifting tenses ("hesitated" > "hesitate"), and the "me thinks" kinda rubbed me the wrong way. But, that's probably just my issue. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aroura 850 Report post Posted October 4, 2005 >.< I thought I got all those *stabs tenses* Thanks for pointing them out. I'll correct them later. I like individualising speech, thus the "me thinks". Most people have little quirks like that. I try to pick up on them and use them. That one came from my boyfriend's brother and co-ower of his house. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywriter 7,783 Report post Posted October 4, 2005 I like the description. Look at the flowers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Aroura 850 Report post Posted October 4, 2005 Thanks n.n Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
