20 funny things to say to telemarketers

[render 100]

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for

bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so

glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I

have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes

are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to

spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then

ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business,

how many people work there, how they got into this line of work

if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue

asking them personal questions or questions about their company

for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name

is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and

with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how

have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief

moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could

know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each

one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to

speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and

Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't

have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood?

Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her

to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you

can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company,

and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a

Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and

then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask

him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you

can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that

telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess

you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The

Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please

hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat

at your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your

dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and

ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I

should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a

joke. "Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your

momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to

speak up . . . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write

every word down.

NOTICE: The above have all been tested and approved for use on

telemarketers. No animals were harmed in the testing

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

hahahha i remember me and my friends were playing a board game...something with words...but we needed it to start with a specific letter and a telemarketer happened to call so we asked him and he went to his manager, got a couple words for us, and came back. my friend was like "thank you so much!" then he said "oh youre welcome. bye bye" hahaha

[Eppy 3,446]

here is a good one....when they pick up ask is a really thick redvoice saying "Do you gots a perty mouth? heh heh heh"

[Tanoro 799]

Oh! I got a few too! Telemarketers around here HATE calling me because I play with them. My phone has hold music and I'll put them on hold for 30 minutes or so. I also might tell them that I already have what they are selling. And one of my favorite questions is, "Have you bought this product for yourself?" Most telemarketers will say "no."

[Dire Wolf9 100]

A telemarketer once hung up on our neighbor. lol. Seriously, they talked on and on and on...

[render 100]

lmao

[supagoth 100]

hehe. i will remeber these as i just started a second job......... telemarketing!

Inbound only thankfully.

[Duo 380]

Answer the phone normally and then as you start to realize that they are a telemarketer start breathing heavy and moaning, then ask if they can call back later your err preoccupied with some guests. (emphisis on the guests)

[Wolflord 1,488]

I always like hearing their speech, but dialing phone numbers as they're talking, then insisting that you heard nothing.

[Duo 380]

Play twister over the phone with them, get mad when they don't spin the spinner

[Sabe 2,444]

If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and

Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't

have any friends, would you be my friend?"

Ya know, I read this, and not ten minutes later I got a telemarketer...After they hung up, I laughed myself sick! X'D

[D_Marx 604]

I once told a telemarketer that my mother wasn't home because she cheated on her taxes and fled to Aruba.

[Across the Universe 797]

I telemarketer called and I was like "Come on Bob, I know it's you" and hung up

[sesshogirl1101 100]

omg thats soo funny...imma try one of those one day...it reminds me of this website where this person set a recording of a whole bunch of random stuff to annoy the telemarketer...too bad i forgot the website..it was so funny:p

[koinu50 100]

OMG im gonna try those next time a teleamarketer calls it will be soooo funny:haha:

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

OMG! I have used a few of these. I have had a few used on me. I always got a good laugh...

[COBRA 378]

Cobra 2 answered the phone once, and said "spork" needless to say, they were confused.

[minion_general 235]

Cobra 2 answered the phone once, and said "spork" needless to say, they were confused.

now see that is funny! and i have one.

Joes mortuary - You stab em, we slab em.