And everything started so hopeful. . .

[D_Marx 604]

I have family issues. One psycho aunt who drinks, tells lies, and turns one person against another. . . and one grandma who takes her side whenever I get offended by something she says. After xmas I was told by my grandmother--after I'd been confronted and verbally assaulted--that my sister and I ruined the holidays indefinitely. I kept my damn mouth shut and nothing should have been pointed at me.

Six months later, I still can't hold a conversation with my grandmother, and I have this overwhelming urge to hit my psycho aunt with a blunt object in the very high hope that the blow would kill her and end her miserable life. She wants to die, anyways. She doesn't take responsibility of her actions, and alcohol is her best friend. Who takes a woman seriously with a traitorous background like hers? My god, I had to snap at her husband when my grandma was in a comatose state after he said we should get ready for a funeral. Maybe I've brought this up, but I've kept my mouth shut about what she's done to me and mine.

When she dies, psycho aunt is going to put up such a fight for anything. I read somewhere that you have 6 months to decide whether or not you can accept what is given to you, and part of me is wanting to turn anything she gives me away. I don't care how important the item in question is--I already know what it is, and I can't stop crying about such an heirloom. I'd rather die than have that woman, that atrocious, soulless woman pull everything out that I loved about my life--my relationship with my grandmother is gone, my respect for her gone, all because she thinks I'm at fault for the lies of another.

I want to vomit, I want to go back to Canada, I want to be somewhere else, where everything is easier because it's not around. What kind of woman wants that? Do I try to reconnect with someone who doesn't look at me the same as she used to, try to play nice with someone who doesn't acknowledge me as a person, and compromise my dignity for the scraps of love I used to be so freely given in hopes that one day my grandmother will see what her lying daughter has done to my family. . . or do I leave it alone and wonder if things will change without me, because the world can do that with time?

What defines a woman, anyways?

[falling-angel-111 736]

Well, in a way I feel bad for your aunt and your grandma, alcohol is a hard addiction to break. She's probably been through a lot and as for your grandma, it's sad to think that she'll die believing all kinds of lies. But anyways, I know my mom got sick of her family two, we don't talk to any of them. Pretty much I don't have any family on either side that I know. I really don't have any advice though. It just sounds like a crappy situcation. Probably saying what's really on your mind isn't a good idea, it'll just start more fights. But I'm really not any good with this kinda stuff.

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

i say bite your tongue because running away will only give them more ammo. it might do more to hurt your situation more than anything else. if you really cant take it anymore, just most you and your family to another community somewhere, maybe an hour and a half away? still driving distance, but you dont have to see them on an everyday basis (atleast thats what my mom did)

maybe after that your grandmother will realize that your psycho aunt is actually the one telling lies. if youre not around, how exactly will her lies work? youre close, but not too close. if you dont speak on an everyday basis then you wont be so aggrivated. maybe some of the stuff will blow over that way.

[Mathias 426]

This might sound weird, but I'd suggest typing up all of your grief. Organize it like FAQ sheet. Write out the basis of the lie and disprove it with the truth and if possible evidence. You might want to explain why your relationships between certain family members are causing problems with others.

Don't swear, scream, blame, or put people down, that'll just push your grandma and anyone else you know away. Of course, if they ask why you wrote the document, you tell them the truth, because you haven't been listening to me.

My family has a black sheep of sorts as well. She comes and asks me for advice on how to handle certain issues. She rarely takes my advice. No one else in the family likes her much and she knows it. Of course she's not helping her case by bad mouthing people. This last time, she didn't like my opinion of some of her actions and asked me not to give her advice anymore. Barter Frog pulled up a seat and asked his wife for some popcorn for the show. I nearly slapped him, because it was just egging her on.

See Barter Frog and black sheep have argued all of there lives, even at our Grandfather's wedding. They were both nearly kicked out, even though she started it he shouldn't have egged her on. It may take a while, but if you stop egging your aunt on, and I'm not saying you're doing it intentionally, the situation may settle down.

[Ladywriter 7,783]

granny is an enabler

leave some pamphlets at her house

[D_Marx 604]

Valid points all around. It hurts, and grandma seems to be quite the emotional dictator--she knows psycho aunt lies, but she says at her age, she'd rather die with her family around her. They don't have to be happy, just present. As for psycho aunt, I'll probably not be able to talk to her ever again. Over the years, I'd come to get closer to my grandma, wanting to be close to her so she knows that I care for her, but if she tries to push this familial thing on me, I'll tell her the truth. Only by blood, that is if the drugs haven't changed that for psycho aunt too.

My mother also has a connectivity problem. She thinks a forty minute drive to the other side of town is too far away for her to visit. heh. Anyone else notice that people want to spend less time with their family? That used to bother me.

F.A.Q., huh? It sounds like a good idea--maybe I'll make a matching flowchart.

[Mathias 426]

Sounds good!

I thought I had screwed up my familial relationships too bad to have anyone want to be around me again, especially with my brothers. I closed up around, but it was them who brought me back in. Today, Chris and Danny both came to see us and we're doing great, but it took a few years apart to let the bad things we did to each other drop enough to start the healing process. Now we can't imagine not talking over the phone with each other weekly or more.