Attn parents! I need advice!

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

I am not sure how many of us on here have children with an ex but I have my daughter with my ex bf of 4 years.

Lately his dumb ass GF has been calling me non-stop blaming me for all of my daughter's flaws and behavior. I see my daughter on the weekends for now (I'm heading to court after the 1st to get that changed) and my daughter stays with her dad 5 days a week.

I left the ex 3 years ago after 4 years of abuse. Granted now he is much better and has never raised a hand on his new GF or my daughter, it seems that he has pussed out more than I ever imagined he could. His Gf not only wears the pants but she has his balls in her back pocket. She threatens me almost every time she calls me, but I am afraid a restraining order would complicate things. So, I make my best efforts to be nice I see we are going to have a major issue.

The real kicker? My daughter peed her pants, first time in like months last weekend. Now, there is a new baby in the house and I suspect that she may be doing it to get attention. But when I came to pick her up last weekend, my ex's Gf was yelling at her that " Only dogs pee on carpets and babies". My little girl cried, and I scooped her up and left. She asked me " Can i have breakfast now? I am sorry I peed my pants." The gf then fucking calls me and says "Oh, Caitlin didn't eat yet." Hmmmmmm...... AND the worst part? I picked Caitlin up at 9am, by 2pm she was saying "Mommy, I am not a dog or a baby right?" That shit pissed me off. Granted I know kids say the craziest things. Her new thing is blaming everything on a mysterious skunk. She is only 3 years old, but the phycho gf calls me up and blames me saying that I mentally fucked my own child up in the head by spoiling her? Please. I am at the end of my rope with this bitch and the ex just seems to let it go and write it off. I have talked to him about her harshness, but he brushes it off!!

Any Advice?

I am already filing in court to modify our parental agreement.

[gokuDX7 2,871]

I don't have kids and don't plan to get married till I'm at least 25, but I did work with my mom at a day care for 3 years and have seen my fare share of weird shit.

In your case I think your doing the right thing. Gather up allot of proof that your daughter is not suitable living with her father and his g/f for the whole week, then show the court your proof. Chances are they will side with you since your the mother. It also sounds like your ex's g/f doesn't want her around either. So maybe things will go smoother for you in order to gain full custody.

As for the peeing. I'm guessing shes older then 4 right? You may want to ask her if shes not happy with something at her dads, if shes scared about something, or if theirs something shes scared to tell you. I remember this one kid that used to pee him self all the time at the day care place and he was around 10 or 12. I later found out the reason why he was peeing was mostly due to family troubles. IE. his step dad would scold him and put fear into his head. It got to the point where he just couldn't deal with stress or any type of fear and it caused him to pee. I'm not saying your daughter is the same but I think it may have allot to do with your ex's g/f and how she treats her. Kids are fragile and you need to be given extra care even after they get scolded. The g/f is probably just yelling at her for everything and not understanding that the little girl is young and will make mistakes.

Anyway, hope things work out for you and your daughter.

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

My daughter is 3. She just turned 3 Dec 6th. She has been potty trained for almost a year. My ex and his gf have a new baby. He is like 4 months now. He is one of those babies that has to be held ALL the time. So a lot of energy goes into baby. Caitlin always tells me she loves me. I don't like to think that I spoil her, but I do give her a lot of attention. I mean, on the weekend I am all about her. We so things she likes with a few exceptions. I have errands to run usually with the wedding stuff going on but I try to include her and make it fun. I even added butterflies to my theme because my daughter loves them, and she enjoys looking at all the butterfly stuff. I think that she does not get a whole lot of attention with her dad. Also, she has been saying that the other little girl who is almost 5 (the gf has a daughter from her previous marriage) is "mean" to her. I remember picking on my little sister growing up, so that didn't bother me too much but still I have to wonder.

[Ladywriter 7,783]

let a lawyer handle it. family court is one long bullshit story. yer kid needs a law guardian to investigate both households and see where yer daughter is better off. if you really wanna seal the deal take a few parenting classes "out of your concern for your daughter" of coure. judges and lawyers eat that shit up. makes ya look golden.

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

My ex and I were assigned to go to a parenting class and the dip shit ex didn't go. I did and did it with in a week of her order. I hate lawyers, but I may have to go that route because mediation is a waste of money and time. I have nothing to fear with CPS or any court appointed person to look at my house. The ex though...he smoke weed like it's going out of style. That's not enough though to get anyone to go out there and investigate unless I get the cops involved. He lives in a small town and the cops all know us. He would get hinted it was me calling real quick. He may have some dumb shit on me from a few years back,(ex GF and I got in a fight, I got thrown doown some stairs and I went to jail for it. Fucking Arizona DV laws) but I have been out of any kind of trouble (no record of crime or traffic violations) in 2 years. Other than that I am good.

[Mathias 426]

No offense, but it doesn't sound like anyone is an angel in this situation except your daughter Caitlin. I would advise keeping all discussion cordial and over the phone. Pickups and drop offs should be exactly that with minimal conversation of need-to-knows. If the girlfriend is threatening you with bodily harm with past experience, record the conversations. If the boyfriend and girlfriend are not giving them enough attention and that may be the cause, mention that Caitlin may need more attention and possibly included in more activities. You'll probably catch slack for the mention, so be prepared to counter with a compromise of not spoiling Caitlin as much. Make sure you bite your tongue back from any quips and keep the conversation cordial and businesslike, especially while you are recording the phone messages.

You probably do spoil Caitlin, but it sounds healthy to me. Take the girlfriend's advice to heart or at least examine your relationship from her point of view. She maybe exaggerating the situation and attempting to shift the blame for her own inadequacies. Taking care of three children at once isn't peaches and creams. I have two and I lose my patience and whits often. The more I think about it, she maybe stressed out from having to take care of four children, boyfriend included, and you're the only one in her mind she can legitimately take it out on.

It doesn't sound like the boyfriend cares too much leading me to suggest that you file a claim for sole custody with visitation rights only. The biggest problem in responding to requests like this is that we only hear your side of the story. We are a biased jury who will only hear your point of view ever. I'm not saying your wrong or that his story could change my immediate opinion. I'd suggest that you take a step back and reexamine the situation from a neutral position, perhaps writing a list of pros, cons, concerns, complaints, and compliments on both sides. I know you're a good roleplayer and can think outside the box, so give this exercise a try. You may find that you're being too harsh on them or reinforce your position even further.

Good luck and God bless!

[gokuDX7 2,871]

No offense, but it doesn't sound like anyone is an angel in this situation except your daughter Caitlin. I would advise keeping all discussion cordial and over the phone. Pickups and drop offs should be exactly that with minimal conversation of need-to-knows. If the girlfriend is threatening you with bodily harm with past experience, record the conversations. If the boyfriend and girlfriend are not giving them enough attention and that may be the cause, mention that Caitlin may need more attention and possibly included in more activities. You'll probably catch slack for the mention, so be prepared to counter with a compromise of not spoiling Caitlin as much. Make sure you bite your tongue back from any quips and keep the conversation cordial and businesslike, especially while you are recording the phone messages.

You probably do spoil Caitlin, but it sounds healthy to me. Take the girlfriend's advice to heart or at least examine your relationship from her point of view. She maybe exaggerating the situation and attempting to shift the blame for her own inadequacies. Taking care of three children at once isn't peaches and creams. I have two and I lose my patience and whits often. The more I think about it, she maybe stressed out from having to take care of four children, boyfriend included, and you're the only one in her mind she can legitimately take it out on.

It doesn't sound like the boyfriend cares too much leading me to suggest that you file a claim for sole custody with visitation rights only. The biggest problem in responding to requests like this is that we only hear your side of the story. We are a biased jury who will only hear your point of view ever. I'm not saying your wrong or that his story could change my immediate opinion. I'd suggest that you take a step back and reexamine the situation from a neutral position, perhaps writing a list of pros, cons, concerns, complaints, and compliments on both sides. I know you're a good roleplayer and can think outside the box, so give this exercise a try. You may find that you're being too harsh on them or reinforce your position even further.

Good luck and God bless!

Not sure about your state but up here you have to tell the other party that you will be recording the phone conversation. If you don't it wont hold up in court. How the government gets away with tapping our phone lines I'll never know. It's probably different for other states though.

PS. HKofsesshoumaru - I didn't know she was taking care of more then one kid. That could explain why she seems angry all the time and takes it out on you.

[Ladywriter 7,783]

file for sole physical custody as the ex is irresponsible (skippin out on the judges orders when he's had oodles of time to do so) and there are so many needy kids from outside relationships in the house your daughter and her development are on the back burner.

the quicker you get into court the less you'll have to deal with those people. get custody and child support taken care of in one shot. You can record phone calls for your lawyer so she can see what she's dealing with but they'll likely be inadmissable in court. keep a 2008 appt book near the phone and record every day/time you're called or do the calling, what it was about and if there were any threats made. if the bitch keeps threatening you report it to the police (that is good documentation for court) and obtain a restraining order if you need to or your lawyer feels its a good idea.

the less you deal with these ppl the better.

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

So, the gf and I had a meeting today. Infact she invited me in to have a seat. being pregnant not only makes my hormones crazy, but mysteriously I get some huge balls, because I am not afraid of shit. We chatted calmly and civil.

Apparently, I lost my cool and told Caitlin that the gf was not mommy, and I was her real mother. This upset her very much and she went home crying saying that she couldn't call Jayme "mommy jayme" anymore. She didn't understand the concept of real mommy. To her, Jayme is mommy to her daughter (from her previous marriage) and the baby (who is caitlin's half brother.) Caitlin has been around jayme since she was only a few months old, and it was jayme who took care of her when my ex was at work. He is at work alot. By telling her that someone so close to her was not real, really hurt Cailtlin's feelings. It makes her feel like an outcast. Families are not always put together by blood. I guess I can say that Caitlin is fortunate to be at home instead of in a day care or passed around to various friends and family to be watched while we are all at work. I would rob her by taking her away from her "sister" and baby brother who she has grown up with in the last 3 years. I don't like a lot of the shit that goes down in my ex's house, and I will be asking for more time with my daughter. I felt bad, I mean know one likes to hurt their kids. But the Gf and I had a good chat. I am glad we can be civil (for now) and I hope ithis all works out.

[Mathias 426]

Communication is key, keep up the good work!

[gokuDX7 2,871]

*your dreams are dead* is what I expect next to show up in your post lol J/k. Try and take it easy wile your pregnant. You don't want to get aggressive like a mother bear protecting her cubs *watches as you run around with both of your middle fingers up*. I'm sure if you sit down with your daughter and talk with her and say sorry she will eventually understand that you didn't mean to say what you did.

anyway good luck in the future.

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

*your dreams are dead* .

They were dead a long time ago..;Im not famous, blond haired and blue eyed making millions a year.

But what I have now, are better than I could have dreamed.

I have:

A great daughter (when she isn't telling me "no, I don't want to!" and throwing fits)

great hubby to be (When he isn't telling me "No I don't want to" and throwing fits...J/K:meh:

and a great support team from friends and family!

[AMI 195]

i know how u are feeling i am a mom of 3 ranging in ages 1-5 my 5 year old daughter lives with my mother! My mother and i didn't get along while i lived with her so u can imagine how our relationship is now! but u just got to grit and bare it for ur kid! That is a mothers job!