Serena 12 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 Alright so, my husband, self and our son moved back up to our home-state after our son was about 3 mos old. Now we're living with his parents, they had set up some of the upstairs and one downstairs room fur us to use. Sort of our places of Zen, and peace. However now, his mom keeps moving our stuff around in those areas, and deciding what my son does and doesn't need out, and that it suddenly looks too much like we're living in the house...but that isn't the end of it, my son is a cuddler. He wants to be snuggled and held when it's time to take a nap, so he will fuss until he gets what he wants. So she says to let him cry and he'll learn to sleep on his own. Okay, no biggy. So when I do, or when I'm punishing him (putting him in time out because he's throwing a shit-fit due to not getting his way) she flies in like super grammy snd starts to cuddle and snuggle him because she can't stand the fussing.... So that leaves me brooding because I don't wanna cause an argument...or seem ungrateful that they opened the house to us... I feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place and totally clue less as to how to handle everything.... [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywriter 7,783 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 how old is your son? Look at the flowers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khellendross 1,260 Report post Posted December 20, 2009 i had a similar problem when i moved in with my mom back when we tried going back to louisiana. yeh. I'd move out Asap. Sounds like a control freak (like my mom) in which case ye need to get yer son out of that enviroment. She starts tellin you how to raise yer kid. tell her to fuck off. Sorry, im the parent. I do things my way. I dont give a rats ass how anyone else does it. And it works for me. My kids are all great, doing great in school. And nice most of the time (when they're not filling my shoes full of snow while giggling maniacally -.-, or swapping my can of soda for a can of water so they could drink the soda -.-; ) In any case. They're yours. Noone else can tell you whats best for them, as noone knows them better than you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HKofsesshoumaru 673 Report post Posted December 20, 2009 Grandma needs to back the fuck up. You are the parent. [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] "Well, Toutousai...don't you think it's a pity for Tessaiga? All Inuyasha can do is wave about a sword with all his strength...it's the same whether it's a famous sword or a log." -Sesshoumaru Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tristan9480 198 Report post Posted December 20, 2009 (edited) I think she needs to let you handle all of the parenting. I get people giving me screwy advice all the time. All kids are different and usually the parents have their own method of taking caring them. Although, if she is giving you advice and then contradicts her own advice I don't know what to say other than to express your feelings in a friendly way or get your husband to try and reason with her. Edited December 20, 2009 by Tristan9480 [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Serena 12 Report post Posted December 20, 2009 My son is only 8 mos old, and while she does give me and hubby some good advice...she doesn't always practice what she preaches. An example is letting him cry himself out...but she blaims it on menapause and being unable to handle almost everything under the sun. My hubby tells me to ignore her, that shes always been like that, but it's hard to ignore when she wants to move my son's highchair into the game room (one of the little Zen places that was set up for us) saying that it doesn't need to be out for one reason or another. [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ladywriter 7,783 Report post Posted December 21, 2009 be an accommodating guest but not a doormat Does it really matter where toys and a highchair are when you're not using them? not really. Do you want the lil one to cry himself to sleep? Well let gram know ahead of time when you'll put him down so she has the option of running for the hills or using earbuds/calling a friend or whatever so she doesn't have to hear it. even in your own home you wont have things your way 100% of the time, toilets don't clean themselves there is no such thing as a space of your own when you have little ones, they even crawl into bed with you. Look at the flowers Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Serena 12 Report post Posted December 22, 2009 Yeah I do what I can to be accomidating (taking my son into another room when he's fussing too much and what-have-you), but as far as his crying himself to sleep she's the one saying he needs to do it so he won't need to be held/snuggled or whatever. Then she turns around and get's an attitude and suddenly can't handle it when I try to do that, then looks at me like I get a gold star in fail as a parent... [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
HKofsesshoumaru 673 Report post Posted December 23, 2009 My mom is still like this with my daughter and she is 5. Since my daughter was small grandma always spoiled her and never let me do things my way. It was hard for me to tell her to back off because she was letting me stay there BUT you have to stand up and be a parent. Don't let her pick up the baby. Tell her to let baby cry it out. She will have to get over it. [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] "Well, Toutousai...don't you think it's a pity for Tessaiga? All Inuyasha can do is wave about a sword with all his strength...it's the same whether it's a famous sword or a log." -Sesshoumaru Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Serena 12 Report post Posted December 23, 2009 Yeah, I do have to...but problem is I know I always come off wrong and I really don't need or want to start a fight... [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Khellendross 1,260 Report post Posted December 23, 2009 Yeh. One of the benefits of living 1800 miles to the north of the rest of yer family is they dont bother ye. Which is nice >.> Just invest in a tazer, And tazer them everytime they move. Eventually they'll stop moving. And no worries anymore... right? Ok, so bad idea. But still. Let em know its yer kid. And that even though yer greatful they're letting you live there, that they need to respect your wishes on how you want yer kid to be raised. They had the chance to make an impact on this world with their son, and for better or worse thats the end of it, Yes, they can be grandparents, but as far as how to raise them, that relies solely upon yourself. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Serena 12 Report post Posted December 24, 2009 I kinda like the tazer idea... >.> Yeah I need to speek up, but right now in particular shes been REALY combative...so I don't think best time. Lordy I am so hoping that we get a place of our own soon... [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tristan9480 198 Report post Posted December 25, 2009 Lower her defences by spiking her drinks!! Maybe you can get her to admit something that she wouldn't tell anybody while sober [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Serena 12 Report post Posted December 27, 2009 Nah, won't happen....she's keen on a couple drinks fairly often. It's her "Happy pill" and apparently her Holiday Spirit.... (No she isn't an alchie) [sIGPIC][/sIGPIC]I are me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sledgstone 8,672 Report post Posted December 31, 2009 One of the things I hate most in life is when someone has something they can hold over your head. I feel bad for your situation. But I think the only real way to resolve this would be to move out. Some people get a power trip on when they have people dependent on them for something. Whether its transportation or housing, or helping pay your bills... And if you tell that person about themselves or how they're doing something wrong, they can throw whatever they're helping you with back into your face. And the worst part about it all, is that they have much more leverage on you. All you can really do is grin and bear it until you break free from that dependency. If you think about it, some inlaws and parents are like drugs, they want you dependent on them so they can control your life. Hopefully your inlaws aren't like that. Until you can move out, maybe you can save up for a security deposit on an apartment? Are they charging you rent and making you help with the bills? If so, try and get out of there asap. \ Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
