stupid stupid stupid drama (you had your warning..)

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

so ya. i have to vent... somewhere where he can't see it. so i'll do it here. because OBVIOUSLY i can't talk to him about it... i can't. he's the one who says we need to talk it out, everything should be out in the open and it can all be resolved by letting it out in the open. well, apparently, there are some things you can't talk out....

so now that you're all thoroughly confused and scratching your heads trying to figure out what comes next, i'll explain the situation quickly, then lay out the problem for you and tell you whyyyyy im so frustratedddddsddddsflgjh fkehdf;/lzs

i'm a photographer. a BAND photographer. Local bands usually play in bars and venues that have bars(whether the bars are open or not on the occasion i'm there). that said, my boyfriend is mr. worse case scenario. he doesn't like the fact that i go to my shows usually by myself (and usually in broad daylight) because a) no one is available to go with me or none of my friends WANT to go to the show with me. yes, i've set this up to seem like he has every right to be concerned. BUT i've been going all of these same venues since i was 13..... i'm 20 now. that's 7 years of experience going to the same venues. if 7 years isn't enough experience for him to realize that i'm going to be fine, i'm not sure he will ever be ok with that. what he doesn't realize is he's going to have to deal with it. this is what i do. this is what i've always done. i'm not going to stop not because of some "what if" scenario. if i spent my life worrying about "what if this could happen to me", i'd be confined to my room the rest of my damn life. and i'm not doing that.

second problem. he's worried about me. fine. but he's NOT going WITH me.... this is just adding insult to injury...

third problem... he has a particular problem with the show i'm supposed to shoot tomorrow. he has a problem with the particular band member i'm supposed to go see. he never met him. ever. BEFORE me and my boyfriend ever met, me and this person SPECULATED having relations of some kind. possibly flirted a bit. nothing came of it. NOTHING. i think we held hands once? that's about it. just another one of my friends (and most of my friends are male). this guy had a show, contacted me to buy a ticket (because it's a battle of the bands and ticket sales are part of the contest) and asked me if i'd take pictures like i did for the previous band he was in. i agreed, and told my boyfriend about it. it was as if i just set a bomb off. but he didn't want to talk about it so i didn't bring it up. i got a ticket for him anyway whether he ended up going or not. i kept reminding him it was coming up and he just kept blowing off teh subject. so fine. we weren't going to talk about it, but i'm still going. and for whatever reason he just can't seem to accept the fact that i'm just going to go. we had a HUGE fight over it when i got the stupid tickets back in nov/dec...

this is what he thinks is going to happen....

1. i'm going to the show and he is going to prey on me

2. he's going to corner me at the show and do whatever (harm me.. idk.)

3. he's going to kidnap me?

k. first off, this is my friend we're talking about... not some asshole who offered my a job on facebook/myspace/craiglist or what have you... this is my FRIEND i'm shooting a show for.... now this translates to me that i'm the stupid little naive girl going to a show that's just going to be lured by candy into a van..... i'm smarter than that, i wouldn't put myself in a situation like that... again, he's my FRIEND.

ugh. i understand he hasn't met the kid, but i offered to let him meet him and he didn't want to. so i'm going to the show tomorrow, and he's probably going to hate me when i get home, and tomorrow is just going to be a really bad day. I DONT WANT TO FEEL BAD GOING TO DO SOMETHING I LOVE TO DO UGHHHHIO ghklhtehtlukjeg yaeiurherikgikerh tlueg uteh

.....thanks for reading this far if you did..... but i can't post any of this on my facebook or myspace or DA or my blog because some of his family members read it.... ugh.

[Pchan 5,162]

That's a bit unfair on his part, I agree, and he really shouldn't have (trust or whatever other) issues whether you're gonna go alone or with someone. It's not like you've never done this before, and who cares if in the past you've had an isolated incident of just a hug or holding hands or whatever, cos a) that's in the PAST nothing happened then, so why should anything happen now. Either way, I think it's best to talk it over with him, (maybe before the show? ... hmmm maybe not) so your conscious is clear. I'm gonna be at an NBA game that starts at 1 tomorrow, I forgot how long these sorta games last, but it's at Madison Sq, and if you like, I'll hop on a train at Penn (I think it's close by like the next building or block) and give you company at the concert, if it helps deflate the situation for tomorrow/ now at least? Then you can talk to him later on at length and at ease vs rushed tomorrow with a chance of ruining your mood before the concert. Text me, and lemmi know! Once we enter, you don't have to worry about me, do your thing, and meet me 2-3 hours later ... I'll put on my invisible pedo bear face for the crowd.

[Eppy 3,446]

all i saw was cabbit and rant....oh it must be about BF number 1 ...yeah he seriously need to get over himself already and be proactive atleast a little bit...maybe you should jsut kick his ass and show him that you can take care of yourself?....maybe me and dad need to add more rape to his life?

[Sledgstone 8,672]

Why doesn't he just go to the concert? Is it because of that one guy? Or does he not go to any of the concerts you shoot at?

[HKofsesshoumaru 673]

This is your work this is your life. If he wants to be a part of you then he needs to understand that. If he is so damn worried why dosn't he go? And if he does hopefully he dosn't get in the way by being a over paranoid nagging pants.

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

thanks for the offer GG but i was ok, and almost happy i ended up going on my own out of spite. we've had this conversation. many times. my biggest concern was that if he was so fucking worried why doesnt he just come? well he didn't want to ruin my time there... that was his excuse. so i told him, well either way you're going to. because i'd rather you come "ruin my time" instead of hating me when i get home anyway.

yes GG its the PAST. i dont get what the fuck is so hard about it. i mean really, me and this kid barely HAD a past at all, so that further baffles the shit out of me.

his other thing is that its not because he doesnt trust me, its because he doesnt trust other people... ugh. so what. you dont have to trust other people. trust in the fact that your girlfriend has a fucking brain. it just makes me so angry.

i told my parents about it on the way out and they just rolled there eyes. my mom made a comment when i got home, she says "oh look! you're back in one piece!" heh. so im not the only one that thinks this is crazy......

[Sledgstone 8,672]

At least he didn't pull one of those tv drama moves and show up in the middle of the concert, make a big scene by trying to forcefully remove you.. only to have the band stop because of all the noise and then have the bouncers show up to stop the disturbance... then the band comes down and says: "Wtf is going on, we just want to finish our songs" and then your boyfriend recognizes that guy and punches him in the face... then he ends up in jail and you have a criminal boyfriend.

*watches too much degrassi with frog* X'D

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

omg.... lol no he wouldnt do that. he wouldve just flat out told me, youre not going.. and then i wouldve laughed at him and said thats funny, im going bye.

[gokuDX7 2,871]

I can kind of see where he's coming from since I'm a pretty jealous person when it comes to a girl I like hanging out with guys that show interest in her. In any case you b/f is going out with you knowing you do your work around other guys...he should have accepted that the day you two started going out. If he's trying to force you to stop working or doing the things you love to do then you need to talk to him about it and make it clear that nothing is going to happen.

Sounds like you two need to sit down and figure things out. He sounds insecure and needs reassuring that you're not gonna ditch him for some good looking singer . I'm pretty sure he's not TOO TOO concerned that you're gonna get raped. After all you're in a public place with other people. If the band guy wanted to rape you he'd have to lure you to his car or in a back room lol.

[slippers 3,168]

I think everyone has a good point. I also think he should really come to the show and meet with him, unless he has history with a lead singer himself like holding hands lol.

But I think it's cute that your bf cares about you so much, although little extreme.

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

I'm pretty sure he's not TOO TOO concerned that you're gonna get raped. After all you're in a public place with other people.

he's mr. worse case scenario. he's also afraid of me being kidnapped in broad daylight in a public place and no one doing a damn thing to stop it.

but im aware we need to sit down and talk about it and we have. we've talked about it. he knows im not going to stop doing it. he's the first one to say we need to talk things out and work it out ect. but i cant seem to get him to talk about this and actually come to a SOLUTION. we've talked about it, yelled about it, mentioned it and quickly changed the subject, but i either get frustration and no solution or "lets not talk about this now".

[gokuDX7 2,871]

lol that would suck being kid napped when your around a butt load of people and they just watch. Welcome to Japan/Basil?

[Dubird 6,815]

I can understand him being worried, but in that case, why doesn't he come with you? Seriously, it might be annoying, but after a few times, he'd probally realize that you do know what you're doing and he doesn't need to freak out. I'd tell him that too. If he's that worried, then come along. Otherwise, shut up. He's not worried enough to stir himself on your behalf, or even talk to you about it, then it's his problem.

[Ladywriter 7,783]

I say try to get him to go at least see the places you do photo shoots band or not so he can do his threat assessment If he really feels a danger then he should tag along at the sketchy places. He should also meet the dudes in a casual oh what are you doing here bump into thing kinda way so its unstructured and non threatening.

Ya remember my big compass key chain thinger? Its also got the thermometer and its a whistle which is loud enough to scare off bears and rapists Maybe ya carrying something so simple would help ease his mind?

Don't let him stone wall you tell him there HAS to be a compromise ya can both deal with. Good luck

[CabbitGirl 4,018]

i dunno if anything will make him feel better at this point. he's just like "i don't want to know about it. i'll be fine. forget about it" but i know its not fine. if this were flip flopped i would NOT be allowed to change the subject.. but ya, maybe carrying something like that would make him feel better. i dunno.