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I'm so upset about this I don't even know where to start. Sophmore year through senior year sucked. After a certain breaking point in my life I was diagnosed Bi-Polar 1 disorder. I caved and let my mother take me to a doctor to get checked out and get some meds. The meds they gave me (abilify) had a TERRIBLE side effect. only in adolescent FEMALES would there be a huge weight gain i went from 125 pounds to 185 within a couple of months. I have still am having a hard time dropping this weight. I've switched from medication to medication. Graduation.. I broke out in hives from my meds three days before. This isn't a normal graduation either... White wedding dresses are worn. it's stupid really.. anyway, i stopped taking my meds during may of 2006 and I started going to sac state. Things were going better than usual. I could stick around at school if I didnt wanna go home. First thing went wrong.. My boyfriend from frosh year in high school was killed in a motorcycle accident. A few days later, one of my close friends attempted suicide. She's fine now and regrets ever attempting.. but.. it really affected me. I had to drop a few classes. At that point, nothing mattered to me anymore. So I talked my parents into letting me withdraw from my classes. So, I got the rest of the semester off and I was told either I work or I go back to school Got a job at a local raley's they treated me like crap. wont go into that. quit after two weeks. (xmas season lol) I signed up for classes at a community college. I kid you not I broke down 2 am the day i was supposed to go. Talked my parents outta making me go. For two months I was looking for a job. I lost track of how many applications I turned in. I then told my parents I wanted to move to santa cruz. that didnt go to well. My parents told me I needed to work at least two months before I could move. Well.. I wasted two months looking for a job. Never got a call back from anyone. So, February 13, I had my stuff packed up and I had a little money and i left a note on my kitchen counter saying where i went. here I am, in santa cruz. living in an apartment with my boyfriend and two other people. havent had to pay rent yet. wont have to pay until next month because i just recently got a job. My parents are dealing with this. I know it was a stupid thing to do. But, is it so wrong that I am much happier here? is it so wrong that i can actually be myself? not having to hide anything. i havent been this happy in a while, but why must i still feel guilty? if im so happy, why should i feel bad. i hate my parents.. they put me through hell and never appreciated me for me. i always had to explain every single thing to them. I had gotten my lip pierced. i liked it a lot. but my mom convinced me to switch it from a loop to a stud. a month too soon. it started closing up cuz i didnt have the right kind of stud. and i had to take it out. i miss it terribly, but i cant get another lip piercing because of my job... i do miss home. i miss my puppy and i cant believe im saying this, but i miss my parents. how can someone who hates the nagging and the fact i never got a say in things that happened to me miss it..?

For far too long now, we see people putin each otha down. Insults,Disses,and Bashin just make us scratch our head. Otha dudes be hatin,by what they said It's amazin tha lengths people go to fit in, Theyres way too many deaths up in life of sin The world's full of hate amd its gotta stop, Thugz be sellin Drugs,on tha corner of every block Now theyre's tons of youngens,sufferin from poverty, They dirt poor,don't got a home and they hungry The weathly people got all the money but most don't share Every night,theyres people sleepin on tha ground,dont anybody care?

Press Play: It's raining again Do you hear it, can you see Or, are you blind and def as you are to me Days fly by, speeding past in their pause Following Murphy's Law and every clause Press play and hit the stop Hurry, while we're still on top Rent me a room on floor thirteen Fastforward to our senseless routine Drive by's and bullets to souls Shot from the barrel of an assasin's role Rewind in a fool's desperate hope To escape the nuse made of memories rope Music consoles and rips wounds anew Notes falling like blood from a sky so blue Press play and watch the story be told Of a love like fire that froze in the cold Rented rooms and lies filled with rues Senseless routines as an empty muse Thirteen floors and hit the stop Freeze in time the image of love on top Fastforward and skip the tragic end Of hearts to broken to ever mend A single tear to hit rewind Back to the begining, to that beautiful broken mind Press play...and watch as the days fly by...